What should i think...?
While anticipating parenthood feels a lot like counting down to the new year, what happens after a baby is born, it all shifts to another dimension. Instead of waiting for the time to come, life greets you and asks for your answers. How will you keep your child alive? How will you keep your life in it? Many decisions need to be made because another life depends on it, and the goals we once created for ourselves rarely surface again. While it's a hard truth, once you find yourself breathing again after a newborn enters your life, remember what motivates you or makes you feel like it's worth holding on to.
I think I ever had any reason to set those New Year's resolutions for myself, being so unbridled and optimistic. While being a new mom can feel overwhelmed and exhausting, it also connects me to a part of myself and gives me real meaning. So I thought of them together in stride, patching and stitching like a quilt.
I used to make goals around learning a new craft, making things myself, finding new creative mediums. I used to collect recipes like gold to prepare for my quiet afternoon of baking in the kitchen. I used to develop new strategies for putting my freelance work in someone else's hands. Now, I stare at my daughter's face every morning. Drink it with my coffee and it's beautiful, rejuvenating, and quenching. My husband and I celebrated together as we got close to finding the perfect way to put her to sleep. I'm excited to think about what we'll be feeding her first real meal. All of this, stitched together, is who I am now. All of this keeps me alive and makes life worth trying.
This New Year, I will love to lie comfortably under this quilt. I probably won't make it until midnight, and I won't be surrounded by anyone other than my husband or kids after 7pm, but I'm smiling anyway. When the clock changes, I'll let the excitement of the full picture of my life enter another chapter and sit happily in my lap. My only decision was to simply taste it.